It's All About Me, Me, Me

My co-worker Janet said something I agree with whole-heartedly regarding the Mr. Rogersization of childrearing: the "you're special just the way you are!" stuff goes only so far toward producing a well-behaved, or rather, an appropriately-behaved child who will eventually become an appropriately-behaved adult. Self-esteem is something that needs to be earned, and is not an end in itself: your self-esteem probably ought to be based on something other than the fact you exist. Janet was alluding to behavior at our workplace, but could just as well be addressing society as a whole, and while I'm easily frustrated when considering "big" issues, I have a few things to say about this one.

The behavior you're willing to tolerate from your children in your home isn't going to be met with universal praise, and it's YOUR job to educate YOUR kids about manners. All too often any more there seems to be this "my kid, right or wrong" attitude that has replaced an expectation that your child has a responsibility to his/her parents to behave decently both at home and in public. It doesn't seem like that big a deal when talking about little kids, until you realize that the first generations of children raised with this l'aissez faire approach to behavior are now adults and are rather more disinclined than not to behave in an adult manner. When I say "adult" I mean well-mannered: I'm continually baffled by how little value my peers seem to place on treating other people with respect. So many of them have this: "me first, second, and last" thing going on, and I just don't understand. Don't you WANT to get along with other people? Don't you WANT your neighbors and co-workers to like you? It goes along with this...this....this vile assertion that I've heard about 5,000 times too often: "I say what I think." Huh. I know what that means: it means, "I care so little about you and so much about myself that I see no need to temper my opinions with grace and/or politeness, and if you don't like it, I don't care." THAT pretty much sums up what passes for "self-esteem" in adults.